Dear Aparajita
In case of emergency, or anything happened to that lady, how will you communicate to their home?
Whom You have to communicate? Whether to her husband or to her parents? Normally in our Indian Culture after Marriage obviously a girl after marriage will get settled with her husband and with his family. In case of any untoward incident in office, you have the moral responsibility to inform to the Husband first then only her parents and in laws.
That's the reason here your HR Head has asked for change of address procedures to be adopted in your office.
Hope you can understand it.
From India, Kumbakonam
1165In case of emergency, or anything happened to that lady, how will you communicate to their home?
Whom You have to communicate? Whether to her husband or to her parents? Normally in our Indian Culture after Marriage obviously a girl after marriage will get settled with her husband and with his family. In case of any untoward incident in office, you have the moral responsibility to inform to the Husband first then only her parents and in laws.
That's the reason here your HR Head has asked for change of address procedures to be adopted in your office.
Hope you can understand it.
From India, Kumbakonam
Dear Mr S. Bhaskar,
I fully understand your view.Infact this view has also been reflected in some other posts by our compatriots regarding this issue.Might be in our culture after marriage a lady's responsibilities becomes her husband's.But can't a lady decide in case of untoward consequences as mentioned by you her parents need to be informed first, the parents-who have given birth to her,who have made her able to reach the position where she is now,is it not a moral responsibility of an woman to keep her parents' position in her life same as that used to be prior to marriage?
Regards
Aparajita
From India, Calcutta
I fully understand your view.Infact this view has also been reflected in some other posts by our compatriots regarding this issue.Might be in our culture after marriage a lady's responsibilities becomes her husband's.But can't a lady decide in case of untoward consequences as mentioned by you her parents need to be informed first, the parents-who have given birth to her,who have made her able to reach the position where she is now,is it not a moral responsibility of an woman to keep her parents' position in her life same as that used to be prior to marriage?
Regards
Aparajita
From India, Calcutta
Dear Aparajita
You have manufactured a product. Nice. You are having the patent registered.
But the Product got loss. Who is the loser? The person who purchased the product or the Manufacturer?
Manufacturer will have the feeling that his product for damaged and lost. But the ultimate loser is the Purchaser.
From India, Kumbakonam
You have manufactured a product. Nice. You are having the patent registered.
But the Product got loss. Who is the loser? The person who purchased the product or the Manufacturer?
Manufacturer will have the feeling that his product for damaged and lost. But the ultimate loser is the Purchaser.
From India, Kumbakonam
Dear Aparajita
I understand your feelings and also the issue of gender-bias or discrimination.
At the same time, we must look into the requirements of the organization as well; which need to know the CURRENT RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS of its staff, so that they can be contacted; dropped or picked up; gifts/messages/communications sent to them etc. etc. during the time when they are on leave/absent or otherwise.
It is (or ought to be) IMMATERIAL for an organization whether a married lady resides with her parents, in-laws or A NEW SEPARATE RESIDENCE WITH HER NEW FAMILY (namely, her husband and later their children). The latter is more often the case these days in urban areas and a sociological fact - joint families are decreasing in number and nuclear families are in increasing trend.
One is at liberty to retain the parental address; as in certain cases it may be possible that whatever the new couple plan, may be of temporary nature or a stop-gap arrangement as they decide to settle down to a residence which is more favourable to their needs and resources.
Warm regards.
From India, Delhi
I understand your feelings and also the issue of gender-bias or discrimination.
At the same time, we must look into the requirements of the organization as well; which need to know the CURRENT RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS of its staff, so that they can be contacted; dropped or picked up; gifts/messages/communications sent to them etc. etc. during the time when they are on leave/absent or otherwise.
It is (or ought to be) IMMATERIAL for an organization whether a married lady resides with her parents, in-laws or A NEW SEPARATE RESIDENCE WITH HER NEW FAMILY (namely, her husband and later their children). The latter is more often the case these days in urban areas and a sociological fact - joint families are decreasing in number and nuclear families are in increasing trend.
One is at liberty to retain the parental address; as in certain cases it may be possible that whatever the new couple plan, may be of temporary nature or a stop-gap arrangement as they decide to settle down to a residence which is more favourable to their needs and resources.
Warm regards.
From India, Delhi
Hello Aparajita,
Like I mentioned in my earlier posting, looks like you are confusing one issue with another.
If you want to give your parents' contact for any eventuality to be on the records of the company, it's upto you.
But IF your PRESENT address IS NOT the same as your parents', then it becomes necessary for you to give your PRESENT ADDRESS TO THE COMPANY. BOTH ARE DIFFERENT ISSUES which are again ABSOLUTELY DIFFERENT from who your First Priority in life is.
First & foremost pl remember that--Change is the ONLY Constant in life.
I am not sure if you have kids. Assuming you don't, once you have kids, then your COMPLETE focus WOULD go to them for their upbringing--at least IT SHOULD. At that stage, what if your parents & husband tell you that your primary focus HAS TO BE THEM ALONE with the kids coming secondary--or even third priority after the parents/husband? Would that be an acceptable situation for anyone? If it's acceptable for you, I have nothing to add here.
Coming to your query--"is it not a moral responsibility of an woman to keep her parents' position in her life same as that used to be prior to marriage?", the answer is BOTH YES & NO. Only the situations in which you keep your parents position the same will change--in fact, have to change. Having married, would the spouse be wrong to expect that he/she should be the First priority in the other's life? You have crossed the rubicon--just bear that aspect of life in mind.
An analogy--similar mind you--NOT identical--for the query you raised could be this: Assuming you started your career in one company/organization & worked there for a long time--let's say 12-15 yrs. If you get a good opportunity in another company at that stage or you moved to another city, will you not resign & shift? You definitely will. And will you forget the Company that was the PRIMARY cause for your career? I bet NO, BUT AT THE SAME TIME, you will shift your focus, attention & LOYALTY to the new company. Or would tell your new company that since you worked for the earlier company for 12-15 yrs, your FIRST LOYALTY & FOCUS will remain with them?
I hope you get the point.
If you haven't, I would ask you bluntly: if there's no way anyone else can have Priority-1 in your life EVER, why did you get married at all?
Rgds,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
Like I mentioned in my earlier posting, looks like you are confusing one issue with another.
If you want to give your parents' contact for any eventuality to be on the records of the company, it's upto you.
But IF your PRESENT address IS NOT the same as your parents', then it becomes necessary for you to give your PRESENT ADDRESS TO THE COMPANY. BOTH ARE DIFFERENT ISSUES which are again ABSOLUTELY DIFFERENT from who your First Priority in life is.
First & foremost pl remember that--Change is the ONLY Constant in life.
I am not sure if you have kids. Assuming you don't, once you have kids, then your COMPLETE focus WOULD go to them for their upbringing--at least IT SHOULD. At that stage, what if your parents & husband tell you that your primary focus HAS TO BE THEM ALONE with the kids coming secondary--or even third priority after the parents/husband? Would that be an acceptable situation for anyone? If it's acceptable for you, I have nothing to add here.
Coming to your query--"is it not a moral responsibility of an woman to keep her parents' position in her life same as that used to be prior to marriage?", the answer is BOTH YES & NO. Only the situations in which you keep your parents position the same will change--in fact, have to change. Having married, would the spouse be wrong to expect that he/she should be the First priority in the other's life? You have crossed the rubicon--just bear that aspect of life in mind.
An analogy--similar mind you--NOT identical--for the query you raised could be this: Assuming you started your career in one company/organization & worked there for a long time--let's say 12-15 yrs. If you get a good opportunity in another company at that stage or you moved to another city, will you not resign & shift? You definitely will. And will you forget the Company that was the PRIMARY cause for your career? I bet NO, BUT AT THE SAME TIME, you will shift your focus, attention & LOYALTY to the new company. Or would tell your new company that since you worked for the earlier company for 12-15 yrs, your FIRST LOYALTY & FOCUS will remain with them?
I hope you get the point.
If you haven't, I would ask you bluntly: if there's no way anyone else can have Priority-1 in your life EVER, why did you get married at all?
Rgds,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
Dear Aparajita,
We have two opinions in front: one to submit and one not to submit the new address. If we forget for sometime the idea of gender biasedness, then we can think about the responsibility of an employee to inform his or her employer the new address. With this view point, one better acts ethically and updates the employer with latest contact information. This may be important for many reasons.
Suppose, the newly wed couple stays seperately from the in-laws in a totally new location, then it is not just for the wife but also the husband who is bound to inform his concern employer the new address. So, this issue should not be taken personally nor from gender biasedness point of view. Mixing the issue with the Hindu Marriage Act and the Women Empowerment / Liberation or stuff like that is just a way to complicate the issue.
You are a sensible person and act rationally!!! Best of Luck!!!
Best Regards
Binapani
From India, Delhi
We have two opinions in front: one to submit and one not to submit the new address. If we forget for sometime the idea of gender biasedness, then we can think about the responsibility of an employee to inform his or her employer the new address. With this view point, one better acts ethically and updates the employer with latest contact information. This may be important for many reasons.
Suppose, the newly wed couple stays seperately from the in-laws in a totally new location, then it is not just for the wife but also the husband who is bound to inform his concern employer the new address. So, this issue should not be taken personally nor from gender biasedness point of view. Mixing the issue with the Hindu Marriage Act and the Women Empowerment / Liberation or stuff like that is just a way to complicate the issue.
You are a sensible person and act rationally!!! Best of Luck!!!
Best Regards
Binapani
From India, Delhi
Dear all,
What I gather from this discussion is only 2 members have been able to understand my point of view.
@tajsateesh-the point is not why I have got married,the point is why should I be asked & compelled to give my in-laws' add as Address 1 in my office when I have stated very clearly that my parental address should remain as my contact add & address1 in office record.Its immaterial for the office to know with whom I am residing,whether with my parents or my husband or alone.When the employee herself has asserted about which one her contact address should be in office records,why the office is bothered about which address it is?After completing five yrs of service in hrd field I know what the value of an address is in office records.
@bina_bina-herein comes the questions of women liberation & hindu marriage act.This situation has arose because till date in our patriarchal we assume a lady's identity is that of her husband's.This is what was reflected in GM's attitude which I dislike.
Regards
Aparajita
From India, Calcutta
What I gather from this discussion is only 2 members have been able to understand my point of view.
@tajsateesh-the point is not why I have got married,the point is why should I be asked & compelled to give my in-laws' add as Address 1 in my office when I have stated very clearly that my parental address should remain as my contact add & address1 in office record.Its immaterial for the office to know with whom I am residing,whether with my parents or my husband or alone.When the employee herself has asserted about which one her contact address should be in office records,why the office is bothered about which address it is?After completing five yrs of service in hrd field I know what the value of an address is in office records.
@bina_bina-herein comes the questions of women liberation & hindu marriage act.This situation has arose because till date in our patriarchal we assume a lady's identity is that of her husband's.This is what was reflected in GM's attitude which I dislike.
Regards
Aparajita
From India, Calcutta
Pon, Hussain have given the cultural perspective, Gaurav got to the crux of the problem.
But Raj kumar has hit the nail on the head by clearly stating the legal dimension.
Dear Aparajita,
I respect that you have taken into account the acceptability of the way people speak to you. I urge that you hold your standard as well as your temper in this fiasco. Do not react to the GM, simply tell him there has been no such address change, and if he insists, ask him to email you regarding his concerns. One, he probably wont email as he cannot state "have you changed your address now that you are married" and two, asking for a formal mail itself will deter him.
Politics is an integral part of HR dept., learn the game.
From India, Bangalore
But Raj kumar has hit the nail on the head by clearly stating the legal dimension.
Dear Aparajita,
I respect that you have taken into account the acceptability of the way people speak to you. I urge that you hold your standard as well as your temper in this fiasco. Do not react to the GM, simply tell him there has been no such address change, and if he insists, ask him to email you regarding his concerns. One, he probably wont email as he cannot state "have you changed your address now that you are married" and two, asking for a formal mail itself will deter him.
Politics is an integral part of HR dept., learn the game.
From India, Bangalore
Hi Aparajita,
Here i would like to say that , dont take it like ur In law address or ur parent address . It should be like address where u are staying. Just like that it will be more simple to understand.
If you are staying with ur parents or with ur in laws tht address will be ur contact address.
But companies do have 2 address information
1) Permanent address
2) Communication address
now u can decide which address u want to give in which option .
Its very simple and sober.
From India, Delhi
Here i would like to say that , dont take it like ur In law address or ur parent address . It should be like address where u are staying. Just like that it will be more simple to understand.
If you are staying with ur parents or with ur in laws tht address will be ur contact address.
But companies do have 2 address information
1) Permanent address
2) Communication address
now u can decide which address u want to give in which option .
Its very simple and sober.
From India, Delhi
Dear Aparajita
Thanks for your interaction with our helpful members.
Now things are getting clearer. Unlike what was presumed earlier; the fact is that you are quite aware of the system and its requirements.
What irks you is; why you should be asked to furnish your in-laws address and accept it as your own present residential address.
Yes, you have a point there, irrespective of any Acts on marriage; or gender bias. In fact, I feel it even encroaches on your Right to Privacy.
Yes, as long as you have provided an address which is correct; (i.e. your parents address);
Do let us know if this clears all your doubts on this matter.
Do feel free to revert back, in case you need further clarifications on this.
Warm regards.
From India, Delhi
Thanks for your interaction with our helpful members.
Now things are getting clearer. Unlike what was presumed earlier; the fact is that you are quite aware of the system and its requirements.
What irks you is; why you should be asked to furnish your in-laws address and accept it as your own present residential address.
Yes, you have a point there, irrespective of any Acts on marriage; or gender bias. In fact, I feel it even encroaches on your Right to Privacy.
Yes, as long as you have provided an address which is correct; (i.e. your parents address);
- there are no Laws that compel you to provide your in-laws address as you residence.
Do let us know if this clears all your doubts on this matter.
Do feel free to revert back, in case you need further clarifications on this.
Warm regards.
From India, Delhi
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